The pandemic lockdown is having a profound effect on all of us. There is no denying that. I don’t think there is one industry or organisation that isn’t affected by this in one form or another. And for each organisation, it will mean different things. For me, personally, and my young business I felt I had to finally share where I was and what options there are for saving my dream.
Firstly, I want to pass a comment on some of the ‘shaming’ I have seen on people’s struggles on social media. Responses like “at least you’re not dead” or “you deserve no help because all directors tax evade” and general nonsense like that. These are the main reason why, on the whole, I’ve remained fairly quiet about the exact details of my personal circumstances and that of the business. I’ll explain why later on, but I want to ask that people refrain from ‘shaming’ people that are doing what they can to survive. Your comments are nothing short of elitist, condescending and dangerous nonsense, please stop.
For context, my journey to get Lighthouse IG off the ground hasn’t been as smooth as I’ve led people to believe. When I first ‘made the jump’ I started with literally nothing and no financial support at all. My previous employer had decided to play unfairly with my final salary and pension refund therefore I had no final salary and, at that stage, no confirmed income.
Slowly, and after support from several other colleagues in the field for whom I owe my life, work started to build and cashflow started to pick up. The branding was coming along, I could start to afford my bills and even basic business requirements like insurance and all the rest of it.
At this stage Lighthouse IG was just a brand as I was established as a Sole Trader. I can safely say that when you start self-employment with nothing the guidance available to you for ‘free’ is terrible. Even the Government website on Companies House or HMRC is terrible (which I later found out when my accountant was horrified at a number of things I hadn’t done because I didn’t know I needed to do it).
After the first year and into the second the business was doing well. I could afford to pay myself to cover my bills, pay off my debts (which is one of the main reasons for going self-employed, to begin with) and ensure I put enough money away to cover my taxes and NI, etc. However, as a successful sole trader, the tax laws do seem a little unfair as it presumes each year you will make more and more income. And that isn’t so. It’s often up and down. Therefore, in order to ease cashflow and help me ensure my income could cover my costs without putting every penny away for tax, I spoke to my account about taking the business limited.
Limited companies’ tax requirements are far simpler than the self-employed (in my circumstances at least) and meant that I could plan for my tax bill as it should be and still afford to pay myself a wage.
I took the company limited in October of 2019 and we started to finish off my Sole Trader accounts ready for self-assessment and would look to set up payroll for me soon after. I’ve made it clear to my accountant several times that I am not clued up on things like payroll therefore their service and support getting it set up and running would be really useful. I was given advice on what to do in the short term and then we would establish fully once the January tax returns were completed.
That decision, it now appears, was the wrong one as it means that not only am I not eligible for the small business grant (financial year brought in over £50k) but because my payroll hasn’t been set up yet I don’t qualify for furloughing either.
In normal circumstances that decision late, last year would not mean a thing, but in these circumstances, it now means the business has no lifelines it can rely on for more than a month or 2. I won’t go into the ins and outs of each lifeline but trust me, I’ve spent hours trawling over each option to see if I could make it work. I’ve reached out to the family but they’re facing their own challenges, so the business and I are on our own.
Timing has not been my ally this year. This time of year is full of training slots because many people book training before the budget year-end so my diary was full of training courses of various descriptions. Normally something to be celebrated, but in this specific situation, the perfect time to deal a crippling blow.
Some clients have been fantastic but for many of them their hands are tied and the support from Act Now Training has been phenomenal. But if this goes on until past May it is looking highly likely that Lighthouse IG will have to close its doors for the foreseeable future.
I doubt it will die forever, but if my short-term situation cannot be improved then I’ll have to go back to full-time employment. And who wants to employ anyone full time that is likely to disappear when things settle down again? Some very big decisions and challenges ahead. So, we shall see how we go.
On reflection, there are a number of things within my control that I could have done to safeguard my dream. But in the same argument who could have predicted that a business, which for all intents and purposes, was a growing, stable and successful business, would face collapse within such a short space of time? Was it wrong to focus my income on covering my overheads and paying off my childhood debt (don’t ask, complicated story)?
I am exploring all avenues to safeguard my own future and am working my through any opportunities I can come across. Today has been a positive day but we shall see what comes. I have applied for several short-term retail or cleaning opportunities. Unfortunately, I join a very long queue and am very quickly finding my applications go unanswered. I’ve exploring personal financing but as a self-employed person, many lenders won’t finance you, especially in the current climate. I’ve spoken to a few people about the business interruption grant but the criteria for the grant haven’t been relaxed. So, while my business is (was) a strong business, a strong business doesn’t necessarily make for an ‘investable’ business. So, the word ‘grant’ is misleading as it’s very much an investment loan with all the rules and trappings that come with it.
Mentally, as you can imagine this has taken its toll. In some ways, I am lucky that it is just me I have to care for. If I had staff and had to lose them and put them in my situation, right now that would have tipped me over the edge. As it is just me, if the business does collapse, yes that would be a massive hit to my mental health. It may even change who I am as a person, but it would affect only me. So that’s something.
I don’t know what the future will hold, to be honest. I am very much a doer and problem solve but my resolve is reaching the end of its energy. I would like to say I’ve done all that I can to save my dream and go back to doing what I love when all this is over, and I think I can say that. Regardless of what happens, I couldn’t continue on without saying my piece and sharing my story. I’ve always kept quiet when something had profoundly affected me or someone has wronged me, the inner pragmatist just doesn’t see the value in starting a war or the opportunity just passes. But this, this I couldn’t keep quiet for any longer.
I mentioned above the sorts of comments that I am seeing when people do share what they are going through, and in some ways those comments are right. I could be dead, or I could have loved someone I know. So far, my family has been lucky. But in the same breath, do these people that not think that when you do shame someone into silence about their suffering you are pushing them towards an even darker outcome? That you make them feel the only way they can help a situation is to keep it to themselves and take that shame to the grave?
Even the strongest amongst us would have at least a moment of doubt facing the collapse of your life and future. So, I don’t share that for pity or sentiments of ‘it’s not that bad surely’. I don’t want that; those things are not helpful. They help you more than me. I share them as an example of the power of people’s words and of how what seems small to you, can be fundamental to someone else.
All I ask is that when people do reach out about what they are doing through, actually listen to them. Park your own views and prejudices about what you assume their circumstances are and actually listen. Don’t just say you’re going to save a life by staying at home, actually save a life by what you say as well as what you do.
